zits are like the devil's most clever tool.
(have an open metaphorical mind throughout this post, it'll help.)
stick with me here. one day, you awake. and you dont know anything is going to be wrong. you feel normal- blood is pumping, lungs are breathing, eyes are blinking...the basics of a good day already covered. you lay in bed for a minute like you usually do, subconsciously aware that the bed is the safe zone, and you do not yet have to face the challenges of life. you milk this safe zone time for all its worth, but eventually.. we all have to get up and enter the unsafe zone. (metaphor numero uno)
Morning routines for hygienically sound persons usually involve a trip to the bathroom to cover the whole teeth brushing, deodorant applying, and hair brushing responsibility. but people, most bathrooms involve mirrors. and sooner or later...we all have to take a look at ourselves. (i didnt really mean for this one to happen, but it did so...metaphor 2!) and sometimes... right in the place where you least expected or wanted... there is a zit. a big zit. one that inflicts fear and emotional trauma to everyone it comes in contact with.
zits can just sliiiidddee into your life and ruin it. (metaphoorrrrr!! 3!!) like i said, its the devils smallest but most clever form of temptation. NO ONE is in a christ like mood when they discover a zit on their face. soo, you go about your day. its not the end of the world. but its the end of your chances for that day to be a good one. you find that you didnt say goodmorning to someone. because your "zit" has made it a sucky morning. so for someone to say goodmorning is like slapping you right in the zit. you didnt smile at the hobo with the sign specifically saying that even a smile will help. because... just a smile will NOT help you. therefore, it should not help hobo guy.
and its not like you dont try to get rid of the zit. who wants to be in a zitty mood all the time? (metaphor.... phor!:))))) you try washing it off, applying all sorts of lame remedies, reading and following the extremely obvious directions on the back of the foul smelling acne cream bottle. but nothing works. you are stuck with the zit for who knows how long. it could be a day, could be 3 years, either way... you better just deal with the zit at hand.
profound quote i both enjoy and exjoy thinking about: "if things are bad, don't worry..they'll change. if things are good..dont worry they'll change."
zit happens. it just matters about how you deal with it. (metaphor cincuenta) but one day soon, everyone, you will wake up and your zit will be gone. :) and you'll enjoy life again. and when someone says goodmorning, you'll say something really cool and intelligent sounding like "isnt it?" and then you'll just feel ridiculously awesome and zit-free.
next time you get a zit. you can always call me. i got the best acne meds in the world.
... that was metaphor 6 and also quite possibly the most metaphorical and profoundly incredible thing ever said. :) :) :) i feel so cool right now.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
common sense says......
common sense is a strange and beautiful concept for some people. for others, it comes pretty naturally. (me, john stamos, jack bauer and some other select few) at any rate, lets talk about the proud and plentiful who do not posess this mysterious mental phenomena.
it might be beneficial to read this like a gameshow. and common sense is like a big wheel. and when it says "common sense says...." it gets really dramatic and bob barker throws his unmicrophoned hand in the air when the answer is announced. k go.
shall we start off with the idiots who made a frying pan with a metal handle? lets break this down, people... metal carries heat. heat is hot. heat burns people who trust in the production of user friendly frying pans. like me. due to the fact that i was craving potstickers and was incredibly enthusiastic in reaching for the handle of death and destruction, the fingers of my left hand no longer have fingerprints. just kidding. but it hurts really bad. does putting metal on a vital part of a heat-cooking utensil seem like a brilliant move? common sense says!!!..... no.
what else? ummmm maybe this does not particularly deal with common sense, maybe more along the lines of courtesy. but is it just me, or does it seem incredibly rude to make a curling iron in which the handle and the iron are the same color? do you guys catch my drift? reaching for a curling iron while your busy holding your hair and your dignity with your other hand, could prove to be seriously detrimental to your beloved hands. all im asking for is some peripheral vision friendly curling irons in the world. because yes, my left thumb has a pretty jacked up print now. and i think that maybe it could cause me to be able to get away with murder. just a thought.
back to the lack of common knowledge in the world. like dvd players in which if you lose the remote, your player becomes desperately worthless. its an accepted fact of life that americans lose remotes. we know, its ok. italians are good at food and asians suck at driving. and americans lose remotes. everyone knows. so why, oh dvd company, made in the US, would you make such a condescending and evil device? common sense says!!....cause you're an idiot.
i suppose i could go on. no, im positive i could go on. but its a little cynnical and redundant because im just trying to give a wonderful blanket judgement with: everyone in the whole world is stupid except me, john stamos, jack bauer and bob barker (i added the last one in cause i remember what a smart and beautiful salt and peppered man he is)
holy crap! guys i forgot word of the ...blog! so this is me one day later, correcting my terribly uncooth move.
word of the...blog!
Ambrosial (am-brose-eee-ullll): delightful. "Avoiding stupid people and things will inevitably make your life more ambrosial."
it might be beneficial to read this like a gameshow. and common sense is like a big wheel. and when it says "common sense says...." it gets really dramatic and bob barker throws his unmicrophoned hand in the air when the answer is announced. k go.
shall we start off with the idiots who made a frying pan with a metal handle? lets break this down, people... metal carries heat. heat is hot. heat burns people who trust in the production of user friendly frying pans. like me. due to the fact that i was craving potstickers and was incredibly enthusiastic in reaching for the handle of death and destruction, the fingers of my left hand no longer have fingerprints. just kidding. but it hurts really bad. does putting metal on a vital part of a heat-cooking utensil seem like a brilliant move? common sense says!!!..... no.
what else? ummmm maybe this does not particularly deal with common sense, maybe more along the lines of courtesy. but is it just me, or does it seem incredibly rude to make a curling iron in which the handle and the iron are the same color? do you guys catch my drift? reaching for a curling iron while your busy holding your hair and your dignity with your other hand, could prove to be seriously detrimental to your beloved hands. all im asking for is some peripheral vision friendly curling irons in the world. because yes, my left thumb has a pretty jacked up print now. and i think that maybe it could cause me to be able to get away with murder. just a thought.
back to the lack of common knowledge in the world. like dvd players in which if you lose the remote, your player becomes desperately worthless. its an accepted fact of life that americans lose remotes. we know, its ok. italians are good at food and asians suck at driving. and americans lose remotes. everyone knows. so why, oh dvd company, made in the US, would you make such a condescending and evil device? common sense says!!....cause you're an idiot.
i suppose i could go on. no, im positive i could go on. but its a little cynnical and redundant because im just trying to give a wonderful blanket judgement with: everyone in the whole world is stupid except me, john stamos, jack bauer and bob barker (i added the last one in cause i remember what a smart and beautiful salt and peppered man he is)
author's note: for those of you who want to avoid humans who don't have common sense, here are a few things previously mentioned that you should look out for: Enzo Milano curling irons, Thomas Rosenthal frying pans, and Clearplay dvd systems. good luck.
holy crap! guys i forgot word of the ...blog! so this is me one day later, correcting my terribly uncooth move.
word of the...blog!
Ambrosial (am-brose-eee-ullll): delightful. "Avoiding stupid people and things will inevitably make your life more ambrosial."
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