first ever non-sarcastic religious post. gettin older errrrday.

this counts as a followup to the dumb little teenage girl post i wrote about 2 years ago.

for you newcomers out there, it was about my lack of faith in fate. i think mostly i was just mad that Jake was moving and i didnt understand his logic. he kept saying that i didnt get it, that he was "supposed to go to Virginia" and i guess the more i thought about it back then, the more stupid it sounded to me.

FALSE.

it wasnt my lack of faith in fate, it was my lack of faith in God. dont get me wrong, i had faith but not enough to understand the concept of a "plan" or "destiny." its not about those things though at all. its about the love heavenly father has for us and his divine plan for our lives.

recent events make it painfully obvious to me that God DOES have a plan for me. not like i have any idea what it is, but he does guide and direct my life to specific places and people. and  i know that he is aware of me. even when he doesnt answer my prayers. i look at unanswered prayers as a message. kind of like a "hold on, i have something better." or "jenna. you need to learn patience."

God created me and he knows me so extremely well. Sometimes i think people overlook the term "Heavenly Father." when i think of that word, it ALWAYS brings me back to my earthly father. my daddy knows me, he helped create me, he raised and taught me, he knows how to make me laugh, he understands my personality and he loves me unconditionally. why would it be different with our  father in heaven? in fact, i think itd be intensified.

there have been times where i know that God knows how ridiculous i am. that sounds weird but...ok fine, story time:)
gather 'round
(best if read like your me, and if you know me really well, you know that when im telling a story it just pretty much sounds like im rambling)

as we all know i get crazy when im home alone. and one time i heard a noise which somehow i translated into someone breaking in, so i ran upstairs and locked myself in my parents closet. and i prayed really hard that i would be safe and that i would know what to do when the person came in. but i couldnt even finish the prayer because i just had this overwhelming feeling of peace and love come over me. and i had this extremely clear picture enter my head of a portrait i had seen of Jesus Christ laughing with a little girl on his lap. and i felt like heavenly father was telling me in his own way that i was being silly and everything was ok. and then i laughed about it and went on with my day unmurdered.

i dont know, just little things i think of occasionally. i am grateful for my relationship with my father in heaven. and i am grateful that he is looking out for me and continues to bless my life with people that he knows i need and opportunities for me to grow.

Aged to (im)perfection.

So i know that i usually wait months in between posts because thats the appropriate amount of time to let my mind-blowing thoughts sink in, but im just having so many thoughts lately that i have to write more. I think this is my way of getting things out in a calm, cool, and semi-collected fashion. also, i dont think ive had my emotional post for 2012 yet.

But yes, age.
Not like this is a sore subject with super deep emotional roots or anything like that.
HAHA.
it is. So buckle up, kids.

Age. ugh. When i started this blog i was 15 and always complaining about my age and what not. thats just what i do i guess. whyyyy??? because i dont feel like this dumb little number alotted to me has ever been appropriate.
My siblings have joked that ive always been, "13 going on 30." which means that my age tends to not really correlate with my actions. im different, people. why is that such as hard concept for everyone else in the world to grasp?

Question: how many 15 years olds do you know of that have owned and operated their own little photography and piano businesses and made BANK? or volunteered hours upon hours of time at local elementary schools? OR that knew what kind of loser boys to look out for cause she had already been emotionally and almost physically abused by one?
and tell me, public, do most 16 year olds work four jobs? do most of them have better relationships with their teachers than with their friends? do you know many that could stand DIRECTLY under the influence of eating disorders and depression and say, "im too good for that."
finally, how many 17 year olds sacrifice the few friends they do have and an amazing high school to go to college and get their life started early? (which believe it or not, is pretty frikin scary)Or have never done anything in their whole life that causes them to be emotionally and most importantly spiritually guilty?

(comic relief) so i have a proposition for the world:  For those of you slightly less experienced in divine wonders of climate in other states, there is this wonder called "real feel" temperature. Thats when it can be like 80 degrees but the wind or humidity causes it to really feel like its 90. (i have a point, stick with me.)

i think that we should enact "real feel" ages. this would be extremely beneficial in pretty much every aspect of human interaction ever. like if someone was 21 but their real feel age was 16, pretty sure people would think twice before selling that loser alcohol. who knows, this could save lives.
im guessing my real feel age would be 20.... anyways, no, im sure the general public would be opposed to this. im just saying, in my utopian society, we'd all have us some real feel ages.

basically? this all boils down to me being sick and tired of everyone judging me just because of the year i was born. i get it, people, i get that you experience things as you get older and that makes you more mature blah blah blah. k really? like what? having a real job? got it. getting your heart truly and completely broken and coming out of it stronger? ohhh been there. twice. so what? what is it that im just not quite good enough at that makes me less desireable than the 22 year old party girl college drop out?

i am a rubix cube of complexity, suckas. and i cannot stand being labeled and written off by a number.

k, thats it. im good for another year.

Its sad cause its true.

So bascially i get free soda at work, and i down that shiz like none other. Which puts me into a caffeine-induced haze and i dont actually get tired until ridiculous hours of the early morning. :(
but as i innocently did everything in the world besides sleep last night, i thought, "hey, jenna. its ok. just sleep in tomorrow! surely 4 nights of unhealthy amounts of insomnia will catch up with you, and your body will lead you into a glorious sleep-coma."

False!

HA. no such luck. i woke up at 6:30. apparently my brain had a lot of random and irrelevant things it needed to think about... on top of that, my sweet parents came in to say goodbye for the weekend and also to inform me that the power has been out all night so it'll be dark till the suns gets up. pretty normal news i guess. except my lack of sleep caused me to frantically lose all sense of rational thought. and i heard the following: " We're leaving you for a couple days... and you have no friends so you'll be home alone forever. have fun. also, the power is gone because the person thats lurking in the house has impeccable planning skills and he's probably going to kill you pretty soon after we leave. also, your birth was an accident. k bye."

For those of you who know me, know that I have a very complicated relationship with being home alone.
for a few hours? no problem. i love it. it gives me time to do weird jenna stuff like paint my nails and have wicked cool dance parties.
but 2 days? notsomuch.

especially because i have always been and will always be a giant pansy. and if my brain knows ill be alone for more than 5 hours, everything becomes a scene from a horror movie. and im constantly using my ficticious add-ons to create gruesome and gory possiblities for my inevitable demise.

                             normal humans see:

 

 

                                 jenna sees:

                           what normal humans do when theyre home alone:

what jenna does when shes home alone:

So bascially im over being here and doing nothing but pondering death and wanting sleep. i think ill be productive and run errands like a sexy-sophisticated grown-up. (see Blog from a year ago that i think is hilarious called: The day i decided to be a grown up)

toodles.  

Gather 'round, children.

i have not had story time on this blog in many moons so here we go: (best if read like a random unfunny teacher or something relating a "had-to-be-there" moment, hoping to communicate it hilariousity but probably failing)

 one day in a class called "history of american popular music" at B.C, a young blonde white girl walked into class and sat in the front row. also it that row, and most other places in the room, sat a large gangster looking black guy who looked like he just stepped out of a really scary 90's rap video. this particular day, the young girl's eye decided that it wanted to twitch..a lot. annoyed with the uncooth way in which her eye was behaving, she tried to alleviate the embarassment by moving her head a lot so no one would notice. this method proved wrong in many ways.... three things happened almost simultaneously: she turned her head to the right, her eyes locked with Mr. Gangster man ...and her eye twitched. now for those of you familar with eye twitching know that it usually resembles winking. actually it ALWAYS resembles winking. and this case was no exception.

Mr. gangster decided that she had winked at him, and needless to say he was freaked out.

but then he looked closer.....

and every day since, she sees him looking back at her.....

and thats how i (yes, young white chick was me) make friends/ creepy admirers in college.

updates and things.

whaddup blog stalkers?

i say this because in the last two months over 1000 more people have viewed my blog and not one of you have commented either to my face or via comment section.

its cool, internet shyness is not to be messed with.

so going on the assumption that no one really cares whats going on in my life, here's some random shiz about stuff going on in my life!

first update: im in college!! its a good feeling. but the newness is starting to wear off and the work load is starting to wear on. sooooo, im kind of over it.

next update: my summer was full of so many things. boys. adventure. but most of all? goodbyes. ive had way too many goodbyes for my wee little soul to handle. one was for two years, others were probably forever. which brings me to my next update.

next update: BOYS SUCK!!!!! i am seriously done with their lack of romanticism and their overall ickiness. please, male species, show yourself to the metaphorical door.

final update: im doing a lot better than i was. but i guess you guys wouldnt know how i "was" doing....*whispers* i wasnt doing very good. but i am now! sorta...

no more updates..

now for the "things"!

just kidding.

READ ME. THIS IS AWESOME.

originally i came on my blog because i am having writers block on my 10 page research paper due in 2 days. So the logical remedy for me is nonsensical writing about things in my life. it loosens the creative juices, apparently.

my topic was going to be on grammatical errors of the general public and how much not only they themselves piss me off, but how people who obsessviely correct them piss me off, too. but then something sort of awesome happened. (i say sort of awesome because im not entirely sure if this information is truly as cool as im about to make it sound)

so as i was logging into my account, i noticed the format had changed. not surprising because my last post was in january and thus i am out of the blogspot loop. those of you who know me or think you know me, might already be aware of the fact that i am not....how you say.. good..?...at change. so i was not very thrilled about the whole thing. but of course, like facebook and other conforming social sites, you have absolutely no choice in the layout of the program.

ANYWAYS, this post pretty much all boils down to what happened next. so, like, stop skimming and actually pay attention now.

the new layout features a section entitled, "stats." ...well i think its called that. seems legit. anyways...
"Stats" is all about the history of your blog and views and followers and posts and all the usual stuff. but now, i can see how many people have viewed my blog in the last days, weeks, months, and years its been alive.  guys.. guess how many total views my blog has gotten????

1,591! needless to say my mind was and still is pretty much blown. and i also feel special. :)
now i am kind of in love with that number. so i did some research....

1,591 is the U.s. code prohibbiting Sex trafficing of children. (score!)
1-591 is part of the area code for Bolivia
1591 is the number of weeks old you are if you are approximately 30.5 years old.
1591 is the number of times the word "the" was said in the movie Benjamin Button.

also, there is a section of stats that has a world map and it shows the places that my blog has been read. Welllllllll guess what?!! i have fans in Alaska! :) so.. Alaskans, by all means, message or comment. send me some snow or some sled dogs or something. that'd be awesome.

Wishes. Superstitions. Wizardry. Self Inflicted Trauma.

Sometimes, life gets significantly boring and we have to use things like superstitions to entertain ourselves. Im going to let you guys in on the creamy caramel center to my life as a human suffering from superstition.

we all know the phrase "step on the crack and your break your daddy's back" can i just say that people really should keep torturous sayings from the lives of the young population. lets just say this hit home with me in like 1st grade. i really didnt want my fathers back to break just because i stepped on a little tiny crack. he was our provider and i would never be able to live with myself.

thats where it alllll started.

then i discovered wishes at certain times. my time has been and always will be 3:33. but heres the thing. you cant just have one tiny little requirement. or ficticious wish genie creature will think that you really dont want your wish. so you must prove yourself to him. my logic has been that if you follow enough made up rules, eventually you'll get what you want out of life.

wish - rule # 1 so anyways, i decided that if 3:33 was in fact the chosen time for magic, 3:34 should not be invited. therefore, my first wish-rule is that you can NOT see the time change. Of course this doesnt sound hard, right? you might be thinking, "Jenna. JUST DONT LOOK." but no. for me, its like a car accident or a rumors of a really large spider occupying your wall...you wanna look, but you dont wanna look! and no matter how much i fight it, sometimes my greasy little eyes wander just in time to see 3:34 come to pass. and all wishes are off.

wish rule # 2  then i thought to myself one day that all clocks arent always in perfect synchronization. there could be one clock that says 3:32 and the one on your phone could say 3:35 and the one in the kitchen could say 3:33. so if you miss the desired time, can you go visit another clock?? the answer is yes. because if wish genie does not allow people some slack, hes like an evil genie. and thats just too close to the devil. so yes, but only once. if you miss it again all wishes are once again OFF.

wish rule # 3 the final wish-rule (yes THREE wish-rules for 3:33 seemed appropriate) is that you may not, under ANY circumstances, WHATSOEVER tell another soul what your wish was before it has come true. if i was wish-genie, that would piss me right off. you can't write it, or whisper it, or make it an answer to a impromptu game of charades. if you do, all wishes are MURDERED.

these are just the wish rules for time-wishes.... birthday, wishbones and dandelion wishes? Completely different stories. if you want to know my rules so that perhaps your wishes will finally come true. just ask. :)

arent you glad you visited my blog today? :)

An Important Truth About Life.

my mom is a great mom.

she has a mom butt and a mom haircut and mom jeans.

she has the voice that wakes you up from 60 ft away after you've slept through your blaring alarm clock.

but ive found a flaw in her motherhood. yes underneath that sweet smile and gap outlet clothing lies something twisted.

 and i wouldnt be publicly exposing her if she didnt laugh at me when i told her the news.

when i was a child my mother, like most loving maternal figures throughout history, would cut up my food so as to enhance my eating capabilities. I was totally fine with it and to this day, her squared toast is the most hauntingly beautiful thing ive ever seen. BUT this overprotective habitual routine did not come cheap.

Out of quote "laziness" on her part, she did not like to peel oranges. therefore whenever we had oranges they would be...wedged. (apparently lunch ladies are lazy too ) As a kid i was chubby and plump but i enjoyed my food rather neat. the juice from the wedges would get all over my hands and eventually i grew to despise oranges and everything they stood for.

flashforward to December 28, 2011. A kind mormon soul has just dropped off a bag of petite citrus looking things, as we mormons often do. i sit on the couch with my favorite nephew in my lap and watch in wonder and awe as my dad sticks his thumb in and peels one of the small orangey balls. then, he ate them one by one in little bite sized sacks of fruit. no mess. no grief. i assumed this was some kind of freak mutant breed of citrus...by the end of the day, my nephew and i ate 7 mutant orangey things.

a few days later, i go out to our second fridge, as we mormons often have, and what do i find but a box of huge oranges. i knew what oranges looked like so there was no mistaking that these were not in fact the mutant citrus i had eaten earlier that week. but i had a pressing feeling that i should peel this monstrosity and see what came to be.

guys, oranges come in small little bite sized sacks of fruit, too! no mess. no sticky juice. no tears.
i felt this overwhelming medley of emotions: betrayal, absolute stupidity and ridiculous excitement. oranges are actually really good! and ive missed out on at least 10 years of loving them....

the confrontation included the following quotes:
( real quotes from the jenna to mom conversation about oranges)
" this is your fault.." --me
" umm what? you didnt know that?!!! hahhaha!" --mom
"kay but seriously... really??"--mom
"this isnt funny, mom. you dont understand. they are REALLY GOOD."---me
"wait... :O do limes and lemons and grapefruit do that too?!?!?!?!" --me
" ....... yes, jenna." --mom
" i cant believe you."--me

anything other life changing things i should know about?? :(

drop it to the floor.

helllllllllloooo everyone. hope your christmas break was off the chain. cause mine was. heres the randomness that is floating around my head today. i think blogs were created for bored people to talk to themselves and avoid the inevitable lameness of their day. so. here goes.

itunes would be 574839578978 x's better if the ten dollar giftcards didnt only come in packages of three.
c'mon itunes. who does that?
i have a eating disorder. its called, "I'll eat it anyway" disease. it means even if something is gross, ill most likely keep eating it. and that it why ive had 4 pieces of stale fudge today. someone, help me.
my posture is comprable to a hunchback that lives in a cave 4 feet shorter than him.
i miss my friends.
my room. is really. REALLY. messy.... :( and ill probably end up cleaning it.... tomorrow. mayyyybe.\
wanna hear a blonde joke? k cool. how do you make a brunette cry? turn her blonde.
i have to say goodbye to jake today. wouldnt it be nice if you could literally RUN from your problems? like if i ran just fast or hard enough, my issues would be left in the dust. if i had one wish... well i'd probably wish for something pertaining to peanut butter or money but if i had TWO wishes, one of them would be that my problems could be tangible. so i could run from them, punch them, burry them, etc.  how could would it be to punch a zit or a bad grade in the face and have it go away?!

k i gotta go. my mom wants to make me clean things. :(

.... hehe i just realized my mom is tangible!!!!.... ;) hahaha