Wishes. Superstitions. Wizardry. Self Inflicted Trauma.

Sometimes, life gets significantly boring and we have to use things like superstitions to entertain ourselves. Im going to let you guys in on the creamy caramel center to my life as a human suffering from superstition.

we all know the phrase "step on the crack and your break your daddy's back" can i just say that people really should keep torturous sayings from the lives of the young population. lets just say this hit home with me in like 1st grade. i really didnt want my fathers back to break just because i stepped on a little tiny crack. he was our provider and i would never be able to live with myself.

thats where it alllll started.

then i discovered wishes at certain times. my time has been and always will be 3:33. but heres the thing. you cant just have one tiny little requirement. or ficticious wish genie creature will think that you really dont want your wish. so you must prove yourself to him. my logic has been that if you follow enough made up rules, eventually you'll get what you want out of life.

wish - rule # 1 so anyways, i decided that if 3:33 was in fact the chosen time for magic, 3:34 should not be invited. therefore, my first wish-rule is that you can NOT see the time change. Of course this doesnt sound hard, right? you might be thinking, "Jenna. JUST DONT LOOK." but no. for me, its like a car accident or a rumors of a really large spider occupying your wall...you wanna look, but you dont wanna look! and no matter how much i fight it, sometimes my greasy little eyes wander just in time to see 3:34 come to pass. and all wishes are off.

wish rule # 2  then i thought to myself one day that all clocks arent always in perfect synchronization. there could be one clock that says 3:32 and the one on your phone could say 3:35 and the one in the kitchen could say 3:33. so if you miss the desired time, can you go visit another clock?? the answer is yes. because if wish genie does not allow people some slack, hes like an evil genie. and thats just too close to the devil. so yes, but only once. if you miss it again all wishes are once again OFF.

wish rule # 3 the final wish-rule (yes THREE wish-rules for 3:33 seemed appropriate) is that you may not, under ANY circumstances, WHATSOEVER tell another soul what your wish was before it has come true. if i was wish-genie, that would piss me right off. you can't write it, or whisper it, or make it an answer to a impromptu game of charades. if you do, all wishes are MURDERED.

these are just the wish rules for time-wishes.... birthday, wishbones and dandelion wishes? Completely different stories. if you want to know my rules so that perhaps your wishes will finally come true. just ask. :)

arent you glad you visited my blog today? :)

An Important Truth About Life.

my mom is a great mom.

she has a mom butt and a mom haircut and mom jeans.

she has the voice that wakes you up from 60 ft away after you've slept through your blaring alarm clock.

but ive found a flaw in her motherhood. yes underneath that sweet smile and gap outlet clothing lies something twisted.

 and i wouldnt be publicly exposing her if she didnt laugh at me when i told her the news.

when i was a child my mother, like most loving maternal figures throughout history, would cut up my food so as to enhance my eating capabilities. I was totally fine with it and to this day, her squared toast is the most hauntingly beautiful thing ive ever seen. BUT this overprotective habitual routine did not come cheap.

Out of quote "laziness" on her part, she did not like to peel oranges. therefore whenever we had oranges they would be...wedged. (apparently lunch ladies are lazy too ) As a kid i was chubby and plump but i enjoyed my food rather neat. the juice from the wedges would get all over my hands and eventually i grew to despise oranges and everything they stood for.

flashforward to December 28, 2011. A kind mormon soul has just dropped off a bag of petite citrus looking things, as we mormons often do. i sit on the couch with my favorite nephew in my lap and watch in wonder and awe as my dad sticks his thumb in and peels one of the small orangey balls. then, he ate them one by one in little bite sized sacks of fruit. no mess. no grief. i assumed this was some kind of freak mutant breed of citrus...by the end of the day, my nephew and i ate 7 mutant orangey things.

a few days later, i go out to our second fridge, as we mormons often have, and what do i find but a box of huge oranges. i knew what oranges looked like so there was no mistaking that these were not in fact the mutant citrus i had eaten earlier that week. but i had a pressing feeling that i should peel this monstrosity and see what came to be.

guys, oranges come in small little bite sized sacks of fruit, too! no mess. no sticky juice. no tears.
i felt this overwhelming medley of emotions: betrayal, absolute stupidity and ridiculous excitement. oranges are actually really good! and ive missed out on at least 10 years of loving them....

the confrontation included the following quotes:
( real quotes from the jenna to mom conversation about oranges)
" this is your fault.." --me
" umm what? you didnt know that?!!! hahhaha!" --mom
"kay but seriously... really??"--mom
"this isnt funny, mom. you dont understand. they are REALLY GOOD."---me
"wait... :O do limes and lemons and grapefruit do that too?!?!?!?!" --me
" ....... yes, jenna." --mom
" i cant believe you."--me

anything other life changing things i should know about?? :(

drop it to the floor.

helllllllllloooo everyone. hope your christmas break was off the chain. cause mine was. heres the randomness that is floating around my head today. i think blogs were created for bored people to talk to themselves and avoid the inevitable lameness of their day. so. here goes.

itunes would be 574839578978 x's better if the ten dollar giftcards didnt only come in packages of three.
c'mon itunes. who does that?
i have a eating disorder. its called, "I'll eat it anyway" disease. it means even if something is gross, ill most likely keep eating it. and that it why ive had 4 pieces of stale fudge today. someone, help me.
my posture is comprable to a hunchback that lives in a cave 4 feet shorter than him.
i miss my friends.
my room. is really. REALLY. messy.... :( and ill probably end up cleaning it.... tomorrow. mayyyybe.\
wanna hear a blonde joke? k cool. how do you make a brunette cry? turn her blonde.
i have to say goodbye to jake today. wouldnt it be nice if you could literally RUN from your problems? like if i ran just fast or hard enough, my issues would be left in the dust. if i had one wish... well i'd probably wish for something pertaining to peanut butter or money but if i had TWO wishes, one of them would be that my problems could be tangible. so i could run from them, punch them, burry them, etc.  how could would it be to punch a zit or a bad grade in the face and have it go away?!

k i gotta go. my mom wants to make me clean things. :(

.... hehe i just realized my mom is tangible!!!!.... ;) hahaha