the day i decided im gonna be a grown up.

greetings. thats what you say when your formally greeting someone like we adults often do. :)
haha.
NO.  today was unsuccessful.
i woke up around 8. good start, birds singing, things were beginning to look productive. i was laying in bed, my thoughts freely embellished by my own imagination, when i recieved an epiphany: today im gonna do grown up stuff. and it will be awesome.

my start? an athletic jog. because grown ups care about stuff like blood pressure and cholesterol and working off the 5 thumbprints cookies they may or may not have inhaled the night before.
so i departed at around 8:30 into the crisp morning air. it started great. fellow adult passerbys gave me encouraging looks and nature itself seemed to be cheering me on. but then, my lack of focus on the task at hand caused me to let my mind wander into sweet oblivion. i promptly convinced myself that i was going to be devoured by wild dogs of prey. terrified i cautiously continued my jog without my earphones in, so that i could hear an attacker if one presented itself. childhood paranoia set in and i soon found myself running wildly and desperately from what turned out to be a bunny.
it was running away from me... i admitted to myself that i had failed miserably at my first adult task. but, the day was young.
i returned home at 10:00. i trotted upstairs to my room and plopped myself down on my bed. what else could i do that was adulty? mature? sexy-sophisticated?
 i settled on yoga.
yoga? how is that a smart choice for someone who does not posess the required elasticity for such an activity? but it seemed logical. so i turned on the closest thing to soothing indian music i could find (nora jones) and flipped open to some yoga poses in a magazine i had randomly there in my room.
first one. "peeking crane?" i felt so cool.
but then i attempted it. this was some next-level shiz. my arms and legs were twisted into a painful and akward cornicopia of limbs.
needless to say, my version contrasted sharply to the desired result. determined, i found a pose (at the end) that i could do! i was totally psyched. i enthusiastically searched for the name of my newly mastered pose so that i could share with everyone how awesome i am .and my eyes settled on the words:
CHILD'S POSE
my head hung in despair. i had again failed grownuphood.
did this stop me? pshhh ofcourse not! i dont give up...easily.
i reasoned that grownups like to clean things. so i got into a crazed organizing mood. i began to clean my entire room floor to ceiling. which was working out awesome! until i decided i wanted a lamp.
lampsssss.
i selected the lamp from my old room. that meant taking the lamp shade off and transporting the pieces seperately to my room. simple enough? you'd think so. but no. because "ridin solo" came on my ipod. jason derulo's intoxicating voice floated to my ears. soon enough i found myself (im not proud of this) dancing in the mirror with the lamp shade as a hat and the lamp post thingy as a microphone. i got pretty into it. i was a friggin rockstar and it was awesome. but then the song ended. i was left, microphone in hand, staring at my shaded face in the mirror. i smelled like dust and failure. :(       
this event caused me to implode into the realization that i am not cut out for adulthood.
but guys. things turned out ok. because something happened....my mom came upstairs.
mom: you have two minutes to look presentable. we're going to the church broadcast.
me: whhhaaat?? momm noooo pleaaase dont make me gooo! i dont wannnaaa!!!
mom: stop. your going.
me: nooo but imm not feeling gooood anddd i donnt wanna please nooooo!!
mom:.... im in the car.
me: ahhhhhhhhh!
to get back at her in the most childish way possible i decided to look awful so she'd be embarassed to be seen with me.

i did not feel inclined to put on a dress. so i stayed in my lime green sports bra and spanks. haha but to avoid shameful looks from everyone involved, i put on an attractive trench coat and my sexy boots. no one suspected anything. well, other than i need to take a shower and learn how to apply lipstick.

happy ending. :) childish ways are my ways and i am awesome at them.

sneaky sleep hate spiral.

usually, im a pretty freaking awesome-responsible-self sufficient human who can play the piano with my feet and lots of other notable shiz. i get up exactly 10 minutes before my 6:00 seminary class. somehow hop outta bed and pull myself together with exactly 45 seconds to spare
. but today, my awesomeness deteriorated. :( and the sneaky sleep hate spiral set in.
its what i call your progression through the phases of complete physical and mental exhaustion.

phase one:  realization that today you are going to be completely drained.
 i woke up 3 minutes before 6. USUALLY no big deal for someone as hauntingly awesome as me. but basically it was the most dramatic and intense moments of my life. it was like in those gory, nasty, but still wicked awesome movies where the hot soldier guy is bleeding from 36 different places and is still trying to crawl underneath the tank and he gets shot again and your like "oh snap. thats it. i can see his skull. thats gottttaa beeee itttt!" but he KEEPS GOING. and you cant help but feel bad for the poor soul who thinks he's gonna be successful in flee-crawling from friggin vietnam. i sunk outta bed and almost cried as i looked in the mirror and discovered that even in the dark i look like i couldve been smeagle in a different life.
phase two: optimistic denial.
 i decided to proceed with existence. "ill wake up like i usually do and have a tony the tiger friggin grrrrrreat day."
so i go to my class. expecting my eventual loss of tiredness. buttttt i dont really remember anything except for we got out 5 minutes late and that made me go into a stifled mad fit of internal rage.
being homeschooled rocks. i get to sleep. but not on tuesdays. tuesdays drain almost all my awesome. i have to go to classes all day. that is the worst thing to do when your not ready for life. amazingly, i succeeded in hiding my exhaustion from my mom so she'd let me drive to school. cause when your 15, you'd drop kick a kitten to be able to drive. or at least you'd  put you, your mom, your best friend and the citizens of bakersfield in significant danger. 
phase three. crap :(
there is little or no way around it. your just a helpless passenger in your pathetic and senseless body.
i get to school and i moved on throughout the day, pathetically adhering to my social and educational obligations. luckily first period is with eden. she let me lay on her. (people are used to it by now). 2nd period is study hall. by the end, my face had the stupid imprint of the table. tables are flat. i dont know what phenomena made that possible.
phase four: i. am. going. to. die.
exhaustion begins to exceed your capacity for rational thought. 3rd period... i was starting to feel the effects of running like 18 miles yesterday. my teacher asked me what was up. i told him i have an sleeping disorder and an ebola and im about to explode and implode at the same time and turn into a sleep deprived smeagle. my lack of rational deliverance did not impress. apparently 10th grade history teacher school did not teach sufficient training on how to handle these situations. so he made this face that said, "im not getting paid enough for this and i think that ill go home and take up knitting now." and ignored my teenage dramatics.

by spanish i basically curled up in a pathetic ball of sadness and tried my hardest to escape into jenna dream world. i day dreamed that entire class period. about the most random things in the entire world. i will not go into detail. basically. i was a latina princess sent to free the world from alram clocks and daylight savings. hmmm day dreaming...not as good as night dreaming. but its like tofu. pointless and not as good as meat but hippies and asians do it so why not.
anyways. by the end of the day im in math. dealing with tiredness and intelligent thought is not the easiest thing in the world. my psyche had been significantly penetrated by the butcher knife of tiredness. i pretty much decided that i was gonna become a hermit and a tofu loving vegetarian and live on one of the great lakes so i would never have to look at another number in my whole natural born life.
phase five: ummm... i'd sleep on a hobo.
i get home, my coordinance is questionable, and i finally see a cornicopia of surfaces resembling things that might look more appealing than a desk. you'd think i'd zombie sleep it up. but no. because my mom... made me clean... everything. :( by the time im done i find myself home alone, cold, hungry, lost, and insignificant to the world. i made myself something that looked like water in a bottle with some type of pink powder that self sufficient humans would shake but i just let it sleep at the bottom of the bottle cause i think it looked like it worked hard and deserved it. then, around 5:30 i made my journey to my room. finally.
phase six: ..........
 its dots because you dont even care about having a thought. you just crave things pertaining to sleep. and the only thing you can use to describe what happens next is indefinite dots.
my recollection of thoughts as i was completing "mission: get to room", is like this.
stairs. i can do it!!!!
one more....
door. is. closed. didnt see that coming. :(
bed=6ft away and a turn, chair= 4ft away and no complicated turns involved.
chair :)
look at my pink drink... its kinda beautiful.
cloudssssssssss....:) :) :)

i woke up three hours later in an awkward position and my phone balanced rather impressively on my face.
it is now officially 11:11. and im caught up on my sleep. so i dont expect to be returning to night dream world any time soon.
moral: if your gonna stay up till midnight talking on the phone, stalk up on excessive amounts of caffeine. :)

apparently? me and jake can pass for parents. hmmmm...

whats the most awkward part about meeting the family? being mistaken for the son's baby mama. i mean really.. cute, old, slightly intoxicated ladies of bakersfield apparently need to learn to distinguish 15 from 25. just sayin.

can we blame them though? we do make a pretty cute couple. ;)

due to the uncertain lack of security on this blog's privacy, im not gonna spill the details about why last night was amazingness. even though i want to. reeaaallly bad.

grrrr. hints? well okkaayyyy. my 6 blog followers are pretty smart people.

hint one: it was the first time this has ever happened to me. :O i know right? this homeboy has got me doin new and...exciting things after just 3 and a half months. woooooooooo.

hint numero dos:  it involves something that every little girl (particularly this one) thinks about for like ever.

hint 3: ummmmmmmmmm it was awesome. hehehe

and thats it. :)

uhhh ofcourse everyone in the whole world had to mention the fact that he's leaving in august. thanks, life. that was just awesome.

earlier that day was reagans bridal shower. that was fun. one thing you guys may not know about me, is that im a competitve little punk when it comes to insignificant shower games. honestly, i will get LIVID if i dont win allllll the stupid litttle games they make you play. like last time, i went to my bishop's daughter's bridal shower. amongst her closest friends and family, i won the "who knows her best" game. i got some interesting looks....but, i also got some lotion :))



i win:)





anyways, for reagan's shower we played the infamous "toilet paper wedding dress" game. :)

i won. :)

guess who got third? reagan. :)) hehehehehe there was only two of us! just kidding. but i did beat her. and i got chocolate.

justa day full of marriage and love and babies. goodnesss... <3

but yeah. that was my saturday, blog.



Lipstick made of cake. hehe



:)

slap bracelets, field hockey, and vegetarians.

ill be honest. the title of this post has little or no significance to the topic. i just wanted to capture people's attention.

i was just thinking about the most breath-takingly pointless things in life and BAM. slap bracelets, field hockey and vegetarianism. what. up.
slap bracelets: has anything good in life ever been prefaced by the word slap? no. to apply, you slap yourself. how is that a good idea? 
field hockey: everything is hotter on ice. (hehe)
vegetarians: meat is for the belly. boom. proven by scriptural fact based logic. :)
pointless things...hmmm...
how bout being born in the 95? the unjoys of being 15. i could go on. lets just say, were it not for the legal complications, i'd consider burning my birth certificate to a firey crisp. in my head i imagine me marching down to the hospital, kicking open the swinging doors (ive always wanted to do that) and making a grand quest to find the file of birth where i would demand, at intimidating water gunpoint, that the receptionist (someone intense like matt damon or john stamos) help me find my stupid certificate of birth. once john or matt, totally captivated by my own intensity, hands me the document, i would proceed to destroy it in like 9 different ways. then magically i'd be 16. cause thats just the logical occurance in jenna fantasy world. :)

being 15 tortures my little soul daily. it is the sole reason i am so restricted. i hate being restricted. i hate things with the word "strict" in them. like boa conSTRICTer. or, "jenna you suck at life so consider yourself officially on reSTRICTion." its just not a very peachy root word.
take notes: when my sweet, sweet liberation day comes and i am finally 16, i want a huge amazing cake with 16 obnoxiously large candles on it.
what am i gonna name this blog when im 16? honestly its been really concerning me. :( i want to name it something that will make people look at their lives differently. make them quit smoking? maybe shed a tear or two..who knows? but really.
subject change. lets talk about me. more specifically and entertaining, my eye.
yes, for the past like 8 weeks my left eye has being spazzing out for no apparent reason. this, obviously, concerned me greatly. people are starting to notice, and quite literally, laugh at my face. :( i then decided that i do NOT want to die from uncertain public humiliation and eye twitching sooo i just did some research. apparently lots of humans take eye twitching intensely serious. which is super entertaining to me. :) i typed in "chronic eye twitching death syndromes" on my handy dandy google tab... the following is my own trusty synopsis of what i read on the oddly plentiful eye twitching sites:
i could die.. :(
im being a big baby and i should just calm it down cause my eye is just doing its thing.
i could have minor brain damage, epolepsy or i could be skitzo. hmmm....
caused by: staring at a computer screen for too long... O.o and/ or excessive doses of caffeine. hehe :)
the cure?? "botox injections." haha alrighty then. botox at 15. me and my mom can get mommy/daughter botox sessions. hello, girls night :)
there is an online support group from others suffering from eye twitching complications...yuussss! FINALLY!
imagine my confusion. google is super contridictating.
but my answer came from... a blog. :) this homeboy is a very bored teenager that decided it would be a good idea to name his blog "blog from another demention" really, dude? i do not know what posessed me to click on that. but i did. and it comforted me greatly. because i kid you not, according to Luis, "eye twitching is hawt." thank you, luis.

wish me luck on being 15.9 and dying from eye twitching issues.

doodles.... O.o

personally i belive that doodles are the window to the soul. why? lets break this down logically. when your sitting in class, totally zoned and not interested in becoming unzoned anytime soon, you draw without even really thinking. you draw whats on your mind. your hand just starts a'goin and before you know it, your english lecture is covered in your poorly illustrated thoughts.

but ill have everyone know that no one. doodles. like. me.  due to the fact that i am homeschooled and have excessive amounts of perpetual boredom on my hands...i have gotten super amazing at doodling. i can draw stars and stick figures like nobodys business. and quite frankly, if there was a doodle olympics, i'd OWN.

the thing that is so beautiful about doodling is you dont have to be an exceptional drawer at all. ask me to draw a dog, and it would probably resemble something of the turtle/elephant family.  (dont ask.) but tell me to draw a stick figure plunging its spear into the "vocabulary word bank" and your mind would be notably blown.

secret time?? well, okayyyy. :)

i even have segments of doodles. its really very pathetic. but i just have to quench my boredom and, id say, in doing so, my studenthood has been significantly enhanced.

so i had to take the CAHSEE this week and basically i work faster than a bat outta heck therefore i was done hours before the other homeschooled citizens of bakersfield. but i didnt want to go back to class. so. i. doodled. a lot. you are all probably just reading in rapture, wondering what my segments of doodles might be. well there is "jennanese calligraphy", "dope dr. suess drawings", "oxymorons!!", "hey, what is that dot doing?" and "lyrics in creative picture form."

lyrics in creative picture form

:)

your confused now, but next time you find yourself doodling, your gonna think of me.

Monday's profound..ity.

    uh ohhh. jennas been contemplating life again.
i wish that life was one of those magic 8 balls. then i can be like, " heyyyy life! am i supposed to go to _____?" then i would promptly shake it and life would reveal the appropriate answer accordingly.

do you think that theres a plan for each individual person? like your supposed to go here and meet this person and learn this lesson and then BAMMM! your life is set.
but thats just it. what if we're not suppppoooosssseeeddd to do anything? just go wherever and we'll learn all the big lessons no matter where we are.
 ------hold on im on the phone with jakey poo and he's mildly distracting. <3 ------
ok so anyways im back in my centimental mood.
but really. i have been thinking about my life and other human's lives and i just wish i knew all the answers like magic 8 ball life does. ive officially decided that nothing is permanently "in the cards" for me or anyone else. and honestly? if God super wanted us to learn a certain lesson or whatever, then He's gonna do His thing no matter where we are physically. and as far as people go? i think its retarded to be all "i need to move because what if my future hubby is in Maine or Ohio or friggin Virginia??" because your gonna meet the person your really meant for one way or another. and that person wasnt made for you. that person was made to complete you and be your BFF and do crazy psycho things for you that make no logical sense at the time but its just because he loves you and---
....
new topic anyone?? yes. alright. sooo...
story time: this one, boys and girls, is about a little girl with a big dream that she had for 10 minutes before it came true.
once upon a time, there was a girl. she was weird. she was also 12. so... nuff said. anyways, said child enjoyed odd activites. such as dressing up in weirdo clothes with her best friend Paige and terrorizing the inhabitants of the local target. but really. it was April 18, 2006 and she was awkwardly celebrating preteenism at Target when something inspired her to look up. above the noise of spring shoppers and the glare of the obnoxiously red decor she beheld a strange sight: windows overlooking the store. she, being the nosey and fearless homegirl that she was, decided to approach the manager and ask him why the heck there are creepy windows spying on our lives at target. Manager revealed that the windows were to offices of the workers behind the scenes. upon closer examination, the little girl saw the silhouette of desks and computers and one bouquet of flowers (swear on my life, those flowers are still there)

she thought that this was just about the coolest friggin thing she had ever heard of in her tender little life and told her mom and friend about her discovery. her words were "mom. it is now my goal in life to go up into those offices. one day, i will do such thing." Now, this young girls mother enjoyed humoring her to the fullest extent because she knew that the little girl was a special little thing and deserved the best dreams in life. so she secretly talked to the manager while her daughter and friend went to sword fight with pool toys. approximately 8 minutes later, a voice came over the store requesting that a j**** r**** meet her "party" at costumer service. she thought "cool beans mom, way to use available resources instead of getting me a phone." but nonetheless, she went. there, Manager instructed her not to scream. which was weird and super creeepy and i dont know why he didnt choose better words to communicate his message. then he said that he was going to take them on a grand tour of the unknown. he instructed the girls to follow. they climbed a spiral staircase behind customer service and walked through the offices. i simultaneously saw EVERYthing ever in that store. yes, everyone. that little girl was me. and i have been in the offices overlooking the target on Mall View street. and the manager's name is Ernesto. and we are stilll friends and i smile and wave at him everytime i go to target... and now, me and paige return every year on my birthday. and that is how my almost 4 yr old dream of working at target, came to pass.

this ties into my theme of profoundity because in the end, we should just look up.




hehe ohhhhh my gosh that was precious. i feel so cool right now.

The day being mormon almost cost me my life: feel free to be intrigued.

today, i woke up to something beautiful... 9:30. i was just so stinking content that life let me sleep that long. i then stayed in bed for at least 10 minutes with my ipod on and my window open casting brilliant shades of light into my room. needless to say, my morning was going awesome.

upon deciding that i should probably do something mildly productive, i noticed a strange sound coming from downstairs. i discarded my concern and was still adamant about continuing my spectacular mood.

my morning routine came regularly: dance a bit, ponder the events of the day before (or in this case night) , brush teeth, straighten up room and so on.

stay with me now. here it comes.

walking downstairs in not a easy feat for someone as tired and simple minded as me. but i managed. then... the previous concern arousing noise got louder and my concern flag had officially been raised.

concernification one) noise.

concernification two) my mother was in the kitchen, fully dressed for the day, with...makeup on!

concernification three) she was wearing...an APRON. D:

ok now, mormon mothers are known for their inability to decifer logical ideas from pointless time consuming pain-in-the-tush ideas.
i noticed that a large vat or couldron of some sort was on the stove. it was shaking violently like the devil himself was about to burst out at any given time (source of previously mentioned noise) and there were a variety of cans scattered about. i do not know why i didnt recognize the danger, grab my 72hour kit, and run...but i did not. unfortunately i fell potential victim to mormon momism.

i had to ask... right? thats what you do when your concerned. you ask. ":mooommm...what in the heck..is going on?"

"im pressure canning meat!!!"

"are you cereal??"

"not entirely sure how to answer that, dear daughter... but yeah and the best part is...we can blow up any second cause this is extremely dangerous in a variety of ways!"

mommmyyy dearest that is the last thing i wanted to hear. because, as you all know.. my ficticious add ons can get pretty powerful. i wont recall them because they are a little graphic but basically in a matter of minutes i imagined me slowly and painfully dying in like 12 different scenarios. i made a foolproof game plan. i would stay in my room, wait for the inferno, and jump out my window carrying my valuables.

but no. because another part of being a mormon mom is making your children clean everything ever. so i was trapped...in the kitchen...inches away from couldron o' death...

time passed. not sure how long ofcourse due to the fact that i was pondering life and death while doing dishes about to explode. but it did. and soon it was time to see what my mother had conocted.

she turned off killer vat only to reveal like 5 cans of greasy, unappetizing, yellowy chicken. ok really? my eyes shifted out the window to our chicken coop in the backyard. shivers went down my disturbed little spine. my mother..sweet, sweet mother exclaimed "COOL!!!" and went off about how revolutionary and tear-jerkingly beautiful it is to put raw chicken in a can, then into death pot, and 45 minutes later have pot pie ready chicken. apparently our lives and the lives of our neighbors within a 2 mile radius are worth the deliciousity and conveniency of pressure canned meat.

that was 5 hours ago. shes. still. going.... my house?? anihilated....

with the smell of chicken. 

my life will be delicately hanging by a thread until my mom has sufficiently stocked our house with cans of meat. and for nothing. because there is..no freaking way...im eating that chicken.

the end.

my face right now.

so you know that moment, when you realize that you may be like totally completely falling for someone??
yeah. preeettttty much.