boom. metaphors.

has anyone ever sat and marveled at your pool? there is a great possibility this is just my obsessive metaphorical mind speaking, but water has a way of making me think i guess.

the way each pixel of light illustrates movement. its constantly in motion though nothing appears to be disturbing the surface. it looks as though shadows are continuously tattooing themselves to the bottom. its an untangible dance of light and movement. each silent tear drop or fighting insect can send tiny shockwaves across the water- making them muralized and then they disappear within seconds.

as i floated across my pool, i created an orchestra of motion. each gesture- large or small fast or slow- had its own unique shadow to paint. i guess because of where im at in life, the best connection i could make was that people have an equal effect on our lives. one tiny little spark of movement, can set our whole lives in motion.

Semi annual Emotional Post. yayyy.

i started writing a book when i was 8 years old. its called, "wait for me." kinda sad, with definite hints of pathetic. it told a story of a little girl who got left all the time. she fantasized about her siblings freezing their age and waiting for her to grow up. ive accepted the fact that my siblings will never freeze the hands on their biological clocks and wait for me to be their age. ive accepted that my book will never get published because im pretty sure i spelled "wait" wrong. ive even accepted that my family leaves and so will i eventually. i just dont understand why everyone else has to go.

it seems as though my girl friends, guy friends and crushes all are dropping like flies. its been that way for awhile. my closest friends growing up hardly ever talk to me anymore; friends that were so important i thought id never live without them. now they just picked up and left. people are going on missions and to college and it doesnt help that Valley Oaks is cursed and no one stays there for more than one year. (with me as the only exception, its totally true)

i have two biggest fears in life: getting paralyzed, and change. (the second seems more relevant, i suppose)
yeah so what if i am scared of change? change sucks. im afraid of what will happen if devan moves. im afraid that i wont be able to replace the friends i made at valley oaks this year. im afraid of the changes that are inevitably waiting for me at the end of the summer.
my best friend is moving now too. so this whole topic is really reallllllyyy starting to get sensitive. can everyone just stay in my life? why do you all have to leave? i get that we learn lessons from eachother and new people are coming into our lives all the time and old ones have to go eventually bla bla bla just keep your chin up. but can i just be a little bit unoptimistic for a second? can i just not look at my "life long perspective"? can i just stomp my foot and say that this really isnt fair? screw this, man.

Get Down with The Sickness part II

Motion Sickness is like Justin Beiber: its not the absolute worst, but being exposed to it inflicts trauma to everyone involved. Sadly, i jenna grace ricks have been a victim of motion sickness my whole life. as i've grown older, i have gotten a little better. cars no longer phase me. but someone along the timeline of history decided to invent a machine called the "rollercoaster" i believe said person mercilessly had me in mind.

yesterday i went to the happiest place on earth with my boyfriend and his family. thinking that disneyland would be a safe and secure haven from motion sickness, i decided to not press the issue of medicine. but something new came into the picture. it is called California Adventure. side note: will someone please explain to me why millions and billions of dollars were devoted to creating a giant shrine to California? ohhhh yess the magical land of sky high taxes and uninspired educational systems. anyways, basically California Adventure doesnt screw around with childish rides. no. California Adventure is too good for that shiz. California Adventure wants to make you scream.  maybe i should hop on to my story. sooo i was feeling pretty awesome walking into the park. i knew that disneyland was totally safe from sick-inducing rides (minus those stupid tea cups of death) so innocently i believed by first Californian Adventure would also be safe. i have too much faith in the unknown.

when im in a scary situation, my mind likes to imagine me getting sick and then falling and then dying.  so when sweet little jakey poo told me about a ferris wheel, i was at first, cautiously tolerant of death and humiliation via wheel. that is, until i saw it. this thing was taller than the hotel next to it. it was 600ft of destruction.  my concernification meter dangerously spiked into freak out mode. not good.

the time i decided not freaking out would be an achievable goal:
 i tried casually and non chalantly suggesting to jake that we should wait for his parents. but he knows me quite well actually which was an unfair advantage, so he caught on immediately to my plan and shut it down with lightening mcQueen speed. well, lines torture your mind with the idiocy of what your about to do. designer of the ferris wheel strategically placed it so that it was surrounded by water. i was trapped. but i wasnt gonna let Jake know that i was going through layers of mental breakdowns in my head. breakdowns=not sexy. so what did i do? i txted my mommy. and i may or may not have teared up a little. but i desperately hung onto my hopes of not freaking out.advice: if you dont want to appear lame and hopelessly uncool, do not hang on to the edge of the ride for dear life. and screamin like a small child probably doesnt help your case... or telling the little girl in front of you never to get a boyfriend. just sayin. but in all fairness to me, the stupid homeboy in the witty uniform forgot his numbers and decided it would be cool to let our seat go an extra round. needless to say, i did not succeed in reaching my goal.

oh yeah and the epecially lovely part about motion sickness for me is that all rational thought leaves my mind. and i am the most easily influenced person ever. i let people lead me onto huge roller coasters. my body becomes an unconcerned shell of indifference so i left my well-being in the hands of my peers. and i found myself on the infamous "california screamin"

after the nausea passed, i gained back a reasonable fraction of thought and emotional security which pretty much lasted me the night. wooooo.

but no, it was a great day. can i just say that i love Jake? i cant really get that out over facebook cause i think girls sound juvenile when they do that. but i do, he's amazing and im sooooo lucky that he (most likely) still finds me attractive. and that he makes me conquer my fears. and in the car he even saw me sleeping and still thinks im pretty and you all should be jealous that i have the best boyfriend in the whole world. :)