sneaky sleep hate spiral.

usually, im a pretty freaking awesome-responsible-self sufficient human who can play the piano with my feet and lots of other notable shiz. i get up exactly 10 minutes before my 6:00 seminary class. somehow hop outta bed and pull myself together with exactly 45 seconds to spare
. but today, my awesomeness deteriorated. :( and the sneaky sleep hate spiral set in.
its what i call your progression through the phases of complete physical and mental exhaustion.

phase one:  realization that today you are going to be completely drained.
 i woke up 3 minutes before 6. USUALLY no big deal for someone as hauntingly awesome as me. but basically it was the most dramatic and intense moments of my life. it was like in those gory, nasty, but still wicked awesome movies where the hot soldier guy is bleeding from 36 different places and is still trying to crawl underneath the tank and he gets shot again and your like "oh snap. thats it. i can see his skull. thats gottttaa beeee itttt!" but he KEEPS GOING. and you cant help but feel bad for the poor soul who thinks he's gonna be successful in flee-crawling from friggin vietnam. i sunk outta bed and almost cried as i looked in the mirror and discovered that even in the dark i look like i couldve been smeagle in a different life.
phase two: optimistic denial.
 i decided to proceed with existence. "ill wake up like i usually do and have a tony the tiger friggin grrrrrreat day."
so i go to my class. expecting my eventual loss of tiredness. buttttt i dont really remember anything except for we got out 5 minutes late and that made me go into a stifled mad fit of internal rage.
being homeschooled rocks. i get to sleep. but not on tuesdays. tuesdays drain almost all my awesome. i have to go to classes all day. that is the worst thing to do when your not ready for life. amazingly, i succeeded in hiding my exhaustion from my mom so she'd let me drive to school. cause when your 15, you'd drop kick a kitten to be able to drive. or at least you'd  put you, your mom, your best friend and the citizens of bakersfield in significant danger. 
phase three. crap :(
there is little or no way around it. your just a helpless passenger in your pathetic and senseless body.
i get to school and i moved on throughout the day, pathetically adhering to my social and educational obligations. luckily first period is with eden. she let me lay on her. (people are used to it by now). 2nd period is study hall. by the end, my face had the stupid imprint of the table. tables are flat. i dont know what phenomena made that possible.
phase four: i. am. going. to. die.
exhaustion begins to exceed your capacity for rational thought. 3rd period... i was starting to feel the effects of running like 18 miles yesterday. my teacher asked me what was up. i told him i have an sleeping disorder and an ebola and im about to explode and implode at the same time and turn into a sleep deprived smeagle. my lack of rational deliverance did not impress. apparently 10th grade history teacher school did not teach sufficient training on how to handle these situations. so he made this face that said, "im not getting paid enough for this and i think that ill go home and take up knitting now." and ignored my teenage dramatics.

by spanish i basically curled up in a pathetic ball of sadness and tried my hardest to escape into jenna dream world. i day dreamed that entire class period. about the most random things in the entire world. i will not go into detail. basically. i was a latina princess sent to free the world from alram clocks and daylight savings. hmmm day dreaming...not as good as night dreaming. but its like tofu. pointless and not as good as meat but hippies and asians do it so why not.
anyways. by the end of the day im in math. dealing with tiredness and intelligent thought is not the easiest thing in the world. my psyche had been significantly penetrated by the butcher knife of tiredness. i pretty much decided that i was gonna become a hermit and a tofu loving vegetarian and live on one of the great lakes so i would never have to look at another number in my whole natural born life.
phase five: ummm... i'd sleep on a hobo.
i get home, my coordinance is questionable, and i finally see a cornicopia of surfaces resembling things that might look more appealing than a desk. you'd think i'd zombie sleep it up. but no. because my mom... made me clean... everything. :( by the time im done i find myself home alone, cold, hungry, lost, and insignificant to the world. i made myself something that looked like water in a bottle with some type of pink powder that self sufficient humans would shake but i just let it sleep at the bottom of the bottle cause i think it looked like it worked hard and deserved it. then, around 5:30 i made my journey to my room. finally.
phase six: ..........
 its dots because you dont even care about having a thought. you just crave things pertaining to sleep. and the only thing you can use to describe what happens next is indefinite dots.
my recollection of thoughts as i was completing "mission: get to room", is like this.
stairs. i can do it!!!!
one more....
door. is. closed. didnt see that coming. :(
bed=6ft away and a turn, chair= 4ft away and no complicated turns involved.
chair :)
look at my pink drink... its kinda beautiful.
cloudssssssssss....:) :) :)

i woke up three hours later in an awkward position and my phone balanced rather impressively on my face.
it is now officially 11:11. and im caught up on my sleep. so i dont expect to be returning to night dream world any time soon.
moral: if your gonna stay up till midnight talking on the phone, stalk up on excessive amounts of caffeine. :)