haha.
NO. today was unsuccessful.
i woke up around 8. good start, birds singing, things were beginning to look productive. i was laying in bed, my thoughts freely embellished by my own imagination, when i recieved an epiphany: today im gonna do grown up stuff. and it will be awesome.
my start? an athletic jog. because grown ups care about stuff like blood pressure and cholesterol and working off the 5 thumbprints cookies they may or may not have inhaled the night before.
so i departed at around 8:30 into the crisp morning air. it started great. fellow adult passerbys gave me encouraging looks and nature itself seemed to be cheering me on. but then, my lack of focus on the task at hand caused me to let my mind wander into sweet oblivion. i promptly convinced myself that i was going to be devoured by wild dogs of prey. terrified i cautiously continued my jog without my earphones in, so that i could hear an attacker if one presented itself. childhood paranoia set in and i soon found myself running wildly and desperately from what turned out to be a bunny.
it was running away from me... i admitted to myself that i had failed miserably at my first adult task. but, the day was young.
i returned home at 10:00. i trotted upstairs to my room and plopped myself down on my bed. what else could i do that was adulty? mature? sexy-sophisticated?
i settled on yoga.
yoga? how is that a smart choice for someone who does not posess the required elasticity for such an activity? but it seemed logical. so i turned on the closest thing to soothing indian music i could find (nora jones) and flipped open to some yoga poses in a magazine i had randomly there in my room.
first one. "peeking crane?" i felt so cool.
but then i attempted it. this was some next-level shiz. my arms and legs were twisted into a painful and akward cornicopia of limbs.
needless to say, my version contrasted sharply to the desired result. determined, i found a pose (at the end) that i could do! i was totally psyched. i enthusiastically searched for the name of my newly mastered pose so that i could share with everyone how awesome i am .and my eyes settled on the words:
CHILD'S POSE
my head hung in despair. i had again failed grownuphood.
did this stop me? pshhh ofcourse not! i dont give up...easily.
i reasoned that grownups like to clean things. so i got into a crazed organizing mood. i began to clean my entire room floor to ceiling. which was working out awesome! until i decided i wanted a lamp.
lampsssss.
i selected the lamp from my old room. that meant taking the lamp shade off and transporting the pieces seperately to my room. simple enough? you'd think so. but no. because "ridin solo" came on my ipod. jason derulo's intoxicating voice floated to my ears. soon enough i found myself (im not proud of this) dancing in the mirror with the lamp shade as a hat and the lamp post thingy as a microphone. i got pretty into it. i was a friggin rockstar and it was awesome. but then the song ended. i was left, microphone in hand, staring at my shaded face in the mirror. i smelled like dust and failure. :(
this event caused me to implode into the realization that i am not cut out for adulthood.
but guys. things turned out ok. because something happened....my mom came upstairs.
mom: you have two minutes to look presentable. we're going to the church broadcast.
me: whhhaaat?? momm noooo pleaaase dont make me gooo! i dont wannnaaa!!!
mom: stop. your going.
me: nooo but imm not feeling gooood anddd i donnt wanna please nooooo!!
mom:.... im in the car.
me: ahhhhhhhhh!
to get back at her in the most childish way possible i decided to look awful so she'd be embarassed to be seen with me.
i did not feel inclined to put on a dress. so i stayed in my lime green sports bra and spanks. haha but to avoid shameful looks from everyone involved, i put on an attractive trench coat and my sexy boots. no one suspected anything. well, other than i need to take a shower and learn how to apply lipstick.
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