she has a mom butt and a mom haircut and mom jeans.
she has the voice that wakes you up from 60 ft away after you've slept through your blaring alarm clock.
but ive found a flaw in her motherhood. yes underneath that sweet smile and gap outlet clothing lies something twisted.
and i wouldnt be publicly exposing her if she didnt laugh at me when i told her the news.
when i was a child my mother, like most loving maternal figures throughout history, would cut up my food so as to enhance my eating capabilities. I was totally fine with it and to this day, her squared toast is the most hauntingly beautiful thing ive ever seen. BUT this overprotective habitual routine did not come cheap.
Out of quote "laziness" on her part, she did not like to peel oranges. therefore whenever we had oranges they would be...wedged. (apparently lunch ladies are lazy too ) As a kid i was chubby and plump but i enjoyed my food rather neat. the juice from the wedges would get all over my hands and eventually i grew to despise oranges and everything they stood for.
flashforward to December 28, 2011. A kind mormon soul has just dropped off a bag of petite citrus looking things, as we mormons often do. i sit on the couch with my favorite nephew in my lap and watch in wonder and awe as my dad sticks his thumb in and peels one of the small orangey balls. then, he ate them one by one in little bite sized sacks of fruit. no mess. no grief. i assumed this was some kind of freak mutant breed of citrus...by the end of the day, my nephew and i ate 7 mutant orangey things.
a few days later, i go out to our second fridge, as we mormons often have, and what do i find but a box of huge oranges. i knew what oranges looked like so there was no mistaking that these were not in fact the mutant citrus i had eaten earlier that week. but i had a pressing feeling that i should peel this monstrosity and see what came to be.
guys, oranges come in small little bite sized sacks of fruit, too! no mess. no sticky juice. no tears.
i felt this overwhelming medley of emotions: betrayal, absolute stupidity and ridiculous excitement. oranges are actually really good! and ive missed out on at least 10 years of loving them....
the confrontation included the following quotes:
( real quotes from the jenna to mom conversation about oranges)
" this is your fault.." --me
" umm what? you didnt know that?!!! hahhaha!" --mom
"kay but seriously... really??"--mom
"this isnt funny, mom. you dont understand. they are REALLY GOOD."---me
"wait... :O do limes and lemons and grapefruit do that too?!?!?!?!" --me
" ....... yes, jenna." --mom
" i cant believe you."--me
anything other life changing things i should know about?? :(
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