slap bracelets, field hockey, and vegetarians.

ill be honest. the title of this post has little or no significance to the topic. i just wanted to capture people's attention.

i was just thinking about the most breath-takingly pointless things in life and BAM. slap bracelets, field hockey and vegetarianism. what. up.
slap bracelets: has anything good in life ever been prefaced by the word slap? no. to apply, you slap yourself. how is that a good idea? 
field hockey: everything is hotter on ice. (hehe)
vegetarians: meat is for the belly. boom. proven by scriptural fact based logic. :)
pointless things...hmmm...
how bout being born in the 95? the unjoys of being 15. i could go on. lets just say, were it not for the legal complications, i'd consider burning my birth certificate to a firey crisp. in my head i imagine me marching down to the hospital, kicking open the swinging doors (ive always wanted to do that) and making a grand quest to find the file of birth where i would demand, at intimidating water gunpoint, that the receptionist (someone intense like matt damon or john stamos) help me find my stupid certificate of birth. once john or matt, totally captivated by my own intensity, hands me the document, i would proceed to destroy it in like 9 different ways. then magically i'd be 16. cause thats just the logical occurance in jenna fantasy world. :)

being 15 tortures my little soul daily. it is the sole reason i am so restricted. i hate being restricted. i hate things with the word "strict" in them. like boa conSTRICTer. or, "jenna you suck at life so consider yourself officially on reSTRICTion." its just not a very peachy root word.
take notes: when my sweet, sweet liberation day comes and i am finally 16, i want a huge amazing cake with 16 obnoxiously large candles on it.
what am i gonna name this blog when im 16? honestly its been really concerning me. :( i want to name it something that will make people look at their lives differently. make them quit smoking? maybe shed a tear or two..who knows? but really.
subject change. lets talk about me. more specifically and entertaining, my eye.
yes, for the past like 8 weeks my left eye has being spazzing out for no apparent reason. this, obviously, concerned me greatly. people are starting to notice, and quite literally, laugh at my face. :( i then decided that i do NOT want to die from uncertain public humiliation and eye twitching sooo i just did some research. apparently lots of humans take eye twitching intensely serious. which is super entertaining to me. :) i typed in "chronic eye twitching death syndromes" on my handy dandy google tab... the following is my own trusty synopsis of what i read on the oddly plentiful eye twitching sites:
i could die.. :(
im being a big baby and i should just calm it down cause my eye is just doing its thing.
i could have minor brain damage, epolepsy or i could be skitzo. hmmm....
caused by: staring at a computer screen for too long... O.o and/ or excessive doses of caffeine. hehe :)
the cure?? "botox injections." haha alrighty then. botox at 15. me and my mom can get mommy/daughter botox sessions. hello, girls night :)
there is an online support group from others suffering from eye twitching complications...yuussss! FINALLY!
imagine my confusion. google is super contridictating.
but my answer came from... a blog. :) this homeboy is a very bored teenager that decided it would be a good idea to name his blog "blog from another demention" really, dude? i do not know what posessed me to click on that. but i did. and it comforted me greatly. because i kid you not, according to Luis, "eye twitching is hawt." thank you, luis.

wish me luck on being 15.9 and dying from eye twitching issues.

doodles.... O.o

personally i belive that doodles are the window to the soul. why? lets break this down logically. when your sitting in class, totally zoned and not interested in becoming unzoned anytime soon, you draw without even really thinking. you draw whats on your mind. your hand just starts a'goin and before you know it, your english lecture is covered in your poorly illustrated thoughts.

but ill have everyone know that no one. doodles. like. me.  due to the fact that i am homeschooled and have excessive amounts of perpetual boredom on my hands...i have gotten super amazing at doodling. i can draw stars and stick figures like nobodys business. and quite frankly, if there was a doodle olympics, i'd OWN.

the thing that is so beautiful about doodling is you dont have to be an exceptional drawer at all. ask me to draw a dog, and it would probably resemble something of the turtle/elephant family.  (dont ask.) but tell me to draw a stick figure plunging its spear into the "vocabulary word bank" and your mind would be notably blown.

secret time?? well, okayyyy. :)

i even have segments of doodles. its really very pathetic. but i just have to quench my boredom and, id say, in doing so, my studenthood has been significantly enhanced.

so i had to take the CAHSEE this week and basically i work faster than a bat outta heck therefore i was done hours before the other homeschooled citizens of bakersfield. but i didnt want to go back to class. so. i. doodled. a lot. you are all probably just reading in rapture, wondering what my segments of doodles might be. well there is "jennanese calligraphy", "dope dr. suess drawings", "oxymorons!!", "hey, what is that dot doing?" and "lyrics in creative picture form."

lyrics in creative picture form

:)

your confused now, but next time you find yourself doodling, your gonna think of me.

Monday's profound..ity.

    uh ohhh. jennas been contemplating life again.
i wish that life was one of those magic 8 balls. then i can be like, " heyyyy life! am i supposed to go to _____?" then i would promptly shake it and life would reveal the appropriate answer accordingly.

do you think that theres a plan for each individual person? like your supposed to go here and meet this person and learn this lesson and then BAMMM! your life is set.
but thats just it. what if we're not suppppoooosssseeeddd to do anything? just go wherever and we'll learn all the big lessons no matter where we are.
 ------hold on im on the phone with jakey poo and he's mildly distracting. <3 ------
ok so anyways im back in my centimental mood.
but really. i have been thinking about my life and other human's lives and i just wish i knew all the answers like magic 8 ball life does. ive officially decided that nothing is permanently "in the cards" for me or anyone else. and honestly? if God super wanted us to learn a certain lesson or whatever, then He's gonna do His thing no matter where we are physically. and as far as people go? i think its retarded to be all "i need to move because what if my future hubby is in Maine or Ohio or friggin Virginia??" because your gonna meet the person your really meant for one way or another. and that person wasnt made for you. that person was made to complete you and be your BFF and do crazy psycho things for you that make no logical sense at the time but its just because he loves you and---
....
new topic anyone?? yes. alright. sooo...
story time: this one, boys and girls, is about a little girl with a big dream that she had for 10 minutes before it came true.
once upon a time, there was a girl. she was weird. she was also 12. so... nuff said. anyways, said child enjoyed odd activites. such as dressing up in weirdo clothes with her best friend Paige and terrorizing the inhabitants of the local target. but really. it was April 18, 2006 and she was awkwardly celebrating preteenism at Target when something inspired her to look up. above the noise of spring shoppers and the glare of the obnoxiously red decor she beheld a strange sight: windows overlooking the store. she, being the nosey and fearless homegirl that she was, decided to approach the manager and ask him why the heck there are creepy windows spying on our lives at target. Manager revealed that the windows were to offices of the workers behind the scenes. upon closer examination, the little girl saw the silhouette of desks and computers and one bouquet of flowers (swear on my life, those flowers are still there)

she thought that this was just about the coolest friggin thing she had ever heard of in her tender little life and told her mom and friend about her discovery. her words were "mom. it is now my goal in life to go up into those offices. one day, i will do such thing." Now, this young girls mother enjoyed humoring her to the fullest extent because she knew that the little girl was a special little thing and deserved the best dreams in life. so she secretly talked to the manager while her daughter and friend went to sword fight with pool toys. approximately 8 minutes later, a voice came over the store requesting that a j**** r**** meet her "party" at costumer service. she thought "cool beans mom, way to use available resources instead of getting me a phone." but nonetheless, she went. there, Manager instructed her not to scream. which was weird and super creeepy and i dont know why he didnt choose better words to communicate his message. then he said that he was going to take them on a grand tour of the unknown. he instructed the girls to follow. they climbed a spiral staircase behind customer service and walked through the offices. i simultaneously saw EVERYthing ever in that store. yes, everyone. that little girl was me. and i have been in the offices overlooking the target on Mall View street. and the manager's name is Ernesto. and we are stilll friends and i smile and wave at him everytime i go to target... and now, me and paige return every year on my birthday. and that is how my almost 4 yr old dream of working at target, came to pass.

this ties into my theme of profoundity because in the end, we should just look up.




hehe ohhhhh my gosh that was precious. i feel so cool right now.

The day being mormon almost cost me my life: feel free to be intrigued.

today, i woke up to something beautiful... 9:30. i was just so stinking content that life let me sleep that long. i then stayed in bed for at least 10 minutes with my ipod on and my window open casting brilliant shades of light into my room. needless to say, my morning was going awesome.

upon deciding that i should probably do something mildly productive, i noticed a strange sound coming from downstairs. i discarded my concern and was still adamant about continuing my spectacular mood.

my morning routine came regularly: dance a bit, ponder the events of the day before (or in this case night) , brush teeth, straighten up room and so on.

stay with me now. here it comes.

walking downstairs in not a easy feat for someone as tired and simple minded as me. but i managed. then... the previous concern arousing noise got louder and my concern flag had officially been raised.

concernification one) noise.

concernification two) my mother was in the kitchen, fully dressed for the day, with...makeup on!

concernification three) she was wearing...an APRON. D:

ok now, mormon mothers are known for their inability to decifer logical ideas from pointless time consuming pain-in-the-tush ideas.
i noticed that a large vat or couldron of some sort was on the stove. it was shaking violently like the devil himself was about to burst out at any given time (source of previously mentioned noise) and there were a variety of cans scattered about. i do not know why i didnt recognize the danger, grab my 72hour kit, and run...but i did not. unfortunately i fell potential victim to mormon momism.

i had to ask... right? thats what you do when your concerned. you ask. ":mooommm...what in the heck..is going on?"

"im pressure canning meat!!!"

"are you cereal??"

"not entirely sure how to answer that, dear daughter... but yeah and the best part is...we can blow up any second cause this is extremely dangerous in a variety of ways!"

mommmyyy dearest that is the last thing i wanted to hear. because, as you all know.. my ficticious add ons can get pretty powerful. i wont recall them because they are a little graphic but basically in a matter of minutes i imagined me slowly and painfully dying in like 12 different scenarios. i made a foolproof game plan. i would stay in my room, wait for the inferno, and jump out my window carrying my valuables.

but no. because another part of being a mormon mom is making your children clean everything ever. so i was trapped...in the kitchen...inches away from couldron o' death...

time passed. not sure how long ofcourse due to the fact that i was pondering life and death while doing dishes about to explode. but it did. and soon it was time to see what my mother had conocted.

she turned off killer vat only to reveal like 5 cans of greasy, unappetizing, yellowy chicken. ok really? my eyes shifted out the window to our chicken coop in the backyard. shivers went down my disturbed little spine. my mother..sweet, sweet mother exclaimed "COOL!!!" and went off about how revolutionary and tear-jerkingly beautiful it is to put raw chicken in a can, then into death pot, and 45 minutes later have pot pie ready chicken. apparently our lives and the lives of our neighbors within a 2 mile radius are worth the deliciousity and conveniency of pressure canned meat.

that was 5 hours ago. shes. still. going.... my house?? anihilated....

with the smell of chicken. 

my life will be delicately hanging by a thread until my mom has sufficiently stocked our house with cans of meat. and for nothing. because there is..no freaking way...im eating that chicken.

the end.

my face right now.

so you know that moment, when you realize that you may be like totally completely falling for someone??
yeah. preeettttty much.

get down with the sickness.

mono.

ahaha. mono? me? nawwww. i gots the virgin lips.
but i did get tested for it. and if we're being honest... i think id rather have mono than a cold. it makes me sound more hardcore.
so last night i tasted death. no, not some awkward inuendo, i really did think that i was gonna die. i had like those types of daydreams when you take the current situation and add onto it until it evolves into something that could never ever happen. (vicadin screws with your head) this is how mine went:

im laying on the couch, almost unconscious as my dad feels my head and announces that im burning up. (here comes the ficticious add ons) he calls the ambulance. i black out until the extremely attractive medics roll me out into the night. i see the faces of my neighbors. the henrie family with tear stained cheeks. yes, allllll of them. then i wake up in the hospital 2 days later. surrounded by flowers and cards and crap. good times. tons of people had been there... somehow upon waking up i look extremely attractive and smootch comes in. he too, extremely attractive. he comes in with flowers and...and thats pretty much when i decided i shouldnt get my hopes up.

but i am feeling better today, i got some magic pills that make me coherent again. yay. and anyways i am currently in my parents room waiting for someone hot to txt me and watching new moon. my life.

now i dont know what to do.

so, heres the thing,

i dont like people. people make me angry. especially the boy type. and the girl type. so ya everyone is pretty much suckin right now.
im just in a weird mood i guess
ya so i may or may not have had the BEST night of my life on saturday. but whatever. cause its like up and down with this kid. i think he doesnt know how retarded i am. cause hes kinda retarded. he should just come out and be like " look, i think i made it painfully obvious by my actions and words but just so you know... I. LIKE. YOU."

why cant he just say that? id have so much respect for a guy that would say that... grrr.... enough about this.

in other news, fellow bloggers, i....i....

crap. so i just realized that my life is really lame.

okie dokie. wanna know why i had the best night ever??! (merrie this is for you, because your the only one who is nice enough to listen to my weirdo life stories week after week and pretend like you give a s***)

there we were. me and him, him and me.. outside of olive garden (where i had just met his super cool friends btw.) he gets down on one knee and asks me to his senior prom! heck yes.
now for those of you who dont know me, i LOVE cliches. like seriously. its...sad, really. so this "proposal" was totally amazing to me. so yes. thats what happened.

 ill probably delete this post later cause it makes me sound like such a ditz. an emo ditz. which is weird.